


One Last Yearn

by Chaos_Angel666



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Blades, Character Death, Depressing, Kissing, M/M, angel - Freeform, demon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-12 22:22:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3357428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaos_Angel666/pseuds/Chaos_Angel666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is human once more and he and Cas may get the chance to finally overcome their fears and admit their feelings. But that would be too easy right? Maybe there's more Demon in Dean than they all thought. Maybe he will be the death of Cas at some point. Eventual Destiel. Character Death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Are The Death Of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Ok this is now my third Destiel fic and it's depressing AGAIN! It's like I'm cursed, all I can do is writing heartbreaking ones...

Blue eyes narrow at the hunter, the human hunter, in front of them. Dean is healed, his body is human, there's nothing black or evil left in them. At least not more than any other day. His green eyes reflect feelings once more, but Castiel is not convinced that all of those are good. He can see happiness, about being himself again without the need to kill anyone after the mark of Cain forced him to do so this often. It strained Dean's body, it was killing him. And then Crowley woke him back up, made a demon out of his hunter. But Castiel could save him, he once more was ready to risk his life to save the man he loves. He would do it again and again as long as it keeps Dean save. He went through a lot, there's a lot he should never have witnessed or survived, maybe. But he did and now he tries to live with it even if it's destroying him. That's why Castiel tries to help him. And now those green eyes are alive again. But there's not only happiness. There's anger. Anger at himself for allowing this all to happen. Anger at Crowley for turning him into a Demon. And, what shocks Castiel, anger at the angel, for changing him back. With the demon powers there was a strength, a agility and a endurance in him that he will miss. And yet, there's also something the angel can't differ and that's what worries him the most. Carefully he takes a step closer, clearly invading Dean's personal space,  
'' Dean, is something wrong? '' Dean's eyes fall close as Castiel's voice runs through the room. The smoothness in it always was something that could make Dean feel... strange. As the human's not responding, Castiel takes another step towards him on what green eyes abruptly snap open to look at him with an intensity that knocks the air out of Castiel's lungs for the briefest moment,  
'' Dean's what's the matter...'' Carefully, almost like Dean could bite him, he raises his arm to place a hand on Dean's shoulder but he's not reacting to it. Then, suddenly, Dean lashes out at him, grabs the angel on his collar and pulls him towards him for a deep, crushing kiss. The gasp of shock gets simply swallowed by Dean's lips. Castiel's shoulders tense, his back straightens what only seems to press their lips a little more together and his heart beats faster in his ribcage. Half of him is telling him to break the intimacy, to avoid doing any more sin than he already did to maybe save himself from falling a little longer. But the other, maybe needy part of him is melting against the stronger body in front of him. Slowly his eyes flutter close and his body grows limp as he feels Dean's strong arms wrapping around his waist to press his body against the human one. Carefully Castiel's arms rise, slightly sliding along Dean's body while that so that one hand can place over his chest, right over Dean's beating heart, and the other on his cheek. His thump caressing the slight stumbles on his face, the freckles and movements of flesh when his cheek twitches under the soft touching. Soon the angel catches himself begging god to never let this moment end again. How can something be bad when it feels this good? How can his brothers despise something that is this truly beautiful. A wave of pure emotion fills every fiber of his being. An unfamiliar and yet comfortable numbness clouds his brain and numbs the small part of guilt. For a moment Dean stops moving and in this small moment, Castiel fears he did something wrong. Or that Dean maybe changed his mind and will push him off again only to pretend that nothing had happened. If he'd do this, the angel is not sure he could take it. The bond he shared with Dean has always been a lot stronger than it was supposed to be, his mind was always too focused on the human. And over the time, his heart, Jimmy's heart, grew to love him. By now it feels like everything inside him only works for Dean. In one heartbeat Dean tightens his grip on him and puts more heat into the kiss, biting and sucking on Castiel's lower lip. Dean's mouth opens faintly and a tongue presses against his lips, asking, demanding entrance which Castiel's just all too willing to give. Slowly, still unfamiliar with the concept of tongue-kissing, he allows the hunter's tongue to invade his mouth and move along almost every teeth, every part of flesh. It's like he wants to explore his mouth with his tongue. Carefully Castiel moves his own tongue to meet Dean's. A sparkle runs through his body as Dean gives a growl of satisfaction before probing their tongues against each other in a passionate dance. Another muffled noise goes from Castiel right into Dean's mouth but this time it comes closer to a moan. His head is spinning with a new feeling, a pleasant warmth grows the pit of his stomach and his heat increases. The hand on Dean's heart moves to wrap around his neck with another needy noise, to keep the human in place even if there's no real movement coming from the human that would make Castiel believe he would break the kiss anytime soon.  
The sudden feeling of pain ripping through his body and the sound of flesh tearing apart causes Castiel to halt. His eyes open in one beat as he realizes that it was his body that made this sound and that there must be something hurting him right now. He can taste blood in his mouth, he's hurt. He's hurt badly, every muscle in his body burns. Blood seems to well up in his throat, he tries to swallow but he can't. Just when he has to cough some of it up, Dean leans back just enough for Castiel to be able to open his mouth properly. A few drops of blood strike his face but he doesn't flinch. Castiel's eyes are unfocused, everything around him is changing into a blur. He forces himself to focus, to push down the pain and look at the man in front of him but as soon as his sight gets better he wishes he could just go blind again. Instead of being met with those loving green eyes, he only sees two black orbs that seem to stare a hole into his head. Castiel's eyes narrow and a mix of frustration and the urge to break down crying wells up inside of him,  
'' D-Dean... why...- '' His voice breaks off before he can finish. He thought Dean was cured, but he was demon all along. He never became human again, it was just a trick. Castiel was foolish enough to allow his feelings to get the better of him and now he has to pay the price for it. But, if he had just one wish, just one, he would wish for Dean to become who he was again. His body is shoved backwards a little as the blade in his body digs into him deeper but Castiel keeps his hands where they are. Slowly, he moves the hand on Dean's neck up to place right beneath one black eye before his own eyes move down. A ironic, pain-filled smile pulls on the edges of his mouth as he sees the angel blade sheathed deep within his body, the white light glowing around it telling him that his life is ending now.  
'' How ironic...'' He mumbles with a raspy voice as his eyes move back to Dean's. They all warned him, Dean Winchester will be the death of him, one way or the other. But he didn't listen to them. He ignored any warning that came upon him, he didn't believe them. Though, maybe he did. But he didn't want to believe it. He wanted to blend out the evil, dangerous side in the hunter before him because he didn't dare think it could end like this. Dean isn't reacting to his smile or his words, he just stares down at the dying angel without any real emotion. Castiel's fingers clench into the gray shirt Dean wears as his body sinks slowly to the ground. The hand on his eyes moving up slightly to cover those black eyes. Maybe, if he only believes in it strong enough, he can imagine those eyes to be green again. But his head is spinning, his eyes fall close. Everything around him seems to fade into darkness. There's not much he can think up right now, yet he looks up at Dean with a silent plead.  
The demon's lips curl to a smile as he realizes what Castiel intends to do by covering his eyes. It's almost cute how he tries to hold onto something that is long gone. For a small moment, he feels almost something like regret. Almost.  
Castiel's lips turn into a small smile as he looks up at his hunter. This is not the demon, this is his Dean. The Dean that would give his life to protect the people he loves. The Dean that would do everything for his little brother. The Dean that refused to leave purgatory without him and told him how much he needed him. For a moment the pain in his eyes changes into something loving; longing, even. But as every bit of feeling leaves his body he lowers completely to the ground so that he sits on his knees and his upper body slacks against Dean's legs. His eyes simply fall close. He's not dying with remorse because, at least in his imagination, he could see his Dean a last time. A final memory playing in front of his eyes as even the pain fades and he feels his life leaving his body...

_We're family. We need you. I need you..._

Dean looks down at Castiel as he stops moving and his body falls to the side. Like two large shadows, a pair of wings spreads out around him. There was no lighting like with the other angels when they got killed. Castiel didn't fight death, he welcomed it. He didn't struggle, he accepted. Because he died happy. Because he could see the Dean he was in love with a last time...

Castiel's heaven has no angels in it, at least not directly. There's no small garden or a river, he's not living in a house or on a bench. His heaven is a memory. The life he shared with Dean and Sam, Bobby, Alan, Jo and even Kevin and Crowley and Meg. His heaven is replaying the live he had since he met Dean. The ups and downs they shared, the pain, the happiness, the longing, the fear. The interest as they met for the first time, the hate Dean felt for him in the beginning, then the mutual understanding. The wish to be friends but at the same time the responsibility they had for their side. The burst of feeling as he was torn between heaven and Dean. The feeling as he rebelled for Dean, the friendship they shared. And then the hate he felt towards himself as he betrayed Dean's trust to win the war in heaven. The remorse. The love. Love was, at some point, everything that mattered but there was so much more to it than he thought. There was a lot Castiel felt since he met Dean, not everything was good and there surely where times where he wanted to leave everything behind and go back to heaven but in the end, all that mattered was him. They could break him, torture him, kill him and control him. But he didn't care. As long as they left alone Dean. Because everything that mattered to him, still matters to him, is Dean. And he will live through this life over and over until heaven will break into pieces and every soul will simply fade into nothing. Maybe, he will be reborn as a human this time and his and Dean's paths cross again. Maybe even he will get a second chance. And the moment Dean plugs the knife into his chest for the 1304th time, he promises himself he'll not do it wrong again. He'll fight for this to work out even if it kills him again...

_Don't ever change..._


	2. One Last Yearn - Alternative Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Castiel really dead... or was it maybe just a dream?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the proof that even I am capable of writing a happy ending! xD

**Alternate Ending**

Slowly Castiel lowers to the ground, his eyes falling close and his body going limp. A last memory playing in front of his mind before everything fades into black... His body is relaxed, his face carrying the faintest smile. At least he was allowed to see his Dean a last time, at least he could die peacefully. But even if peace and pleasure control his after-life in heaven he can't help but wonder here and now. Wonder about what is now happening. Is Dean hurting anyone? Is he trying to kill Sam? Has he killed Sam and is now grieving? ...Does he miss Castiel...? If someone, most likely Sam, managed to really turn him human once more, is Dean regretting what he did?  
One day, the peace is interrupted by a storm and the playing memory simply breaks off. Suddenly he's falling. His body swallowed by water, where the sudden ocean came from he doesn't know but everything he tries at this moment is to get up to the surface. But he can't. It almost seems like the water is trying to pull him down, his body suddenly feels like it's made of stone. Then there is a scream and his body stops moving completely. A roar of anger and agony ripping through the water like a lightning bolt. It takes Castiel only a few moments to make out the voice behind the scream.

  
_'' DEAN! ''_

  
He calls out but the water seems to swallow down every noise. The only thing he can hear is the screaming. Castiel's heart starts to beat painfully in his chest as fear overpowers almost every bit of his mind. He has no memory where Dean has ever screamed this way, so where does this come from! His eyes close as he tries to make out where the voice is coming from but it's like he's right in the middle of its center. He tries to move his body to maybe look for the source himself but he can't move. Suddenly his body is being pulled down again, this time faster than before. It feels like he's gaining distance from the voice. Gritting his teeth he tries to free himself from whatever grasp is holding onto him. He tries to spot something on his legs that could hint on something actually holding him but the lower he's pulled the darker it gets. There's no light around him anymore. He struggles but he's so tired all of the sudden. His whole mind is screaming at him to do something, to move, to help Dean. But it's like everything he can do is sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness. He's not drowning, he can breathe, it's hard but possible. At some point, he turns his head back up and opens his eyes as a small hint of light seems to come from there. Far up he can see something. It seems almost like a portal. A portal into the real world. He can see Dean, a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a gun in the other. And without needing to watch much of it, Castiel already understands what is happening. His eyes widen and his arms stretch towards the portal as he starts screaming while Dean seems to make a pause of it now to take another large gulp of the alcohol,  
 _'' DEAN! DON'T DO IT! DEAN! ''_ His teeth press against each other as he tries desperately to get up. Suddenly the noise of glass shattering as Dean throws the bottle against the wall down in the bunker. With tears in his eyes he looks to his side and Castiel understands. Dean is human, now. But the price was too high for him to pay. Sam's body is lying on the ground, motionless, his eyes wide open and blood all around him. Dean must have killed him before he changed again. And after all, everything that counts for him is protecting Sam. It was his task since he was a child and now he killed his brother. He broke his promise to his father, to Bobby, to Sam and to himself. Everything that now matters is to end it after all, Dean always promised his life would end with a gun in his hand. Castiel watches how Dean cocks the gun and presses it against his temple, his eyes slowly falling close. As he pulls the trigger, Castiel screams...

 

With a scream Castiel sits up and for a moment, he has no idea where he is. Everything around him is blurry, his chest is rising and falling in strong beats, his heart pounding against his ribcage wildly. Suddenly he feels something shifting next to him and only seconds later a hand places on his shoulder and a firm, yet sleepy voice rings through the silence of the room,  
'' Cas? What's wrong- Hey Cas... Calm down man, what happened? Ya got a nightmare or something? '' A rough hand places softly on his cheek to turn his face to the side. Slowly he recognizes the outlines of Dean's face. Those green eyes looking at him with worry and it instantly seems to calm him. After a few moments he manages to somewhat focus enough to realize that he's in his and Dean's bedroom. The bedroom they share for years now. Slowly his pulse calms again, he's in their bedroom. Everything is fine. He's alive. Dean's alive. Dean's save.  
After Dean became human again and Cas also fell and turned human, they spent more time together. They eventually managed to get their acts together and confess their feelings. They live with Sam, and sometimes Charlie, together in the Bunker. The two hunters reduced their jobs onto the smallest amount that is possible and it does both of them good. The little lesbian, Charlie, she was head over heels for 'Destiel' from the beginning and Sam got used to it pretty fast too. He wasn't even surprised. Castiel and Dean share this bedroom for 3 years now and, despite how much he loved the time before they got together, he has never been happier. But lately he's afraid. Afraid of something taking Dean from him again, taking him from Dean. Another enemy, or something else. There always is something after the Winchesters. The thought of losing Dean, is unbearable for him.  
'' Cas...'' Dean's voice breaks him out of his thoughts and slowly he moves his eyes up to meet Dean's. Slowly, tenderly, he places both his hands on Dean's cheeks to press a gentle kiss to the hunter's lips. He savors the feeling he has when his lips meet Dean's. This feeling of love that even manages to drive away his fears. He would give everything to keep this feeling forever. Dean freeze's a small moment on the sudden lack of oxygen but he soon wraps his free hand around Castiel's waist to pull the former angel on top of him while lying back down. Their lips move in perfect synchrony against each other while Castiel's hands move downwards to place on Dean's well-trained chest. He almost cuddles up against him while deepening the kiss. Dean gives a small satisfied growl as he feels Castiel's tongue asking for entrance, which he gladly gives. Tongues move against each other in a soft battle which Dean this time loses with joy. He loves the moment where he can pass all responsibility to Castiel, especially control. As the lack of oxygen becomes too strong, Castiel slowly pulls back but only far enough to be able to look into those green eyes properly,  
'' I love you Dean. '' Dean's eyebrow rises a little at the sudden look of serious on his 'angel's' face. With a small chuckle he presses another small kiss to his lips, only pulling back far enough to mumble against the other's lips,  
'' I love you too Castiel. '' With that he deepens the kiss again and Castiel is as complete peace...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a Review before you go and tell me if you liked it. I would really love that! It's always so wonderful when I see a review has been posted, I could just jump all the time :D
> 
> ALSO... The story 'Second Chances' is in prosses, in case it interests you... ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Can't I ever write a Destiel fic where no one dies in it?! It's Valentines day dammit! I feel so depressed... I really need a happy fic but I think I have a depressed mind... I need ideas for a happy-  
> O.O!!!!!!!!!  
> OH MY GOD I KNOW!  
> How about an alternate ending to this one? Or -uhhhhh this is going to be good- a second chance where Castiel is reborn and meets Dean and slowly they remember their past lives and OMG I'm so going to do this now! 
> 
> Please leave a review, I'd really like to know if you like the idea of that. Maybe I call it 'Second Chances'. Not very creative but hey, I just came up with that xD  
> Honestly, if you liked it please tell me or if you have any questions, suggestions, critiques, tell me. Every review is like... like... woah... I don't even know how to describe it... Well... it would make me really really really really extremely super duper happy xD
> 
> ...Or maybe 'From Day One'...?


End file.
